Porn-proofing our boys

I recently an encouraging email from someone who has read Captured By A Better Vision purchase from Amazon UK purchase from Amazon US.

He ends with this question about pom-proofing our boys. What do you think?

There was one question that the book left me asking though and I wonder if you, or any of your colleagues might address this perhaps in a blog posting sometime. There is a goldmine of inspiration and strategy in the book about how to avoid pom, and stay out of it. You make one comment though about how many users first view it when they discover their father’s stash. I have two sons – and while they will never find anything like that in this house, they will be exposed to it somewhere at some point. Your ‘ideal’ view of a man’s first view of a female body being on his wedding night is as you say as beautiful as it is unrealistic, so my question is this. As a Dad of two boys (I see from the book cover, that your kids are all girls!) how can I best equip them to deal with the challenge of the pom they will be shown? Obviously there are spiritual, practical and psychological components to this, and sharing the gospel with them and praying that they’ll get it, and be transformed by it is formative. But what else? How can a Christian Dad fight for his boys? At what age should we start to discuss it? How can the discussion be realistic for them without stimulating or inflaming their interest. I should add that my oldest son is 10, and starting to show a burgeoning interest in the female form! This could be a useful follow-up to the book perhaps?

5 thoughts on “Porn-proofing our boys

  1. Various ages are bandied around for when boys first see porn, but it seems to be around year 7-9 when most boys first see pornographic nudity (that is, nudity designed to arouse). These days it’s generally through phones and sending people links via facebook / instant messaging.

    That said, plenty of boys will have seen it at a younger age and quite a few won’t see it.

  2. My son is 9 and I’m starting to think about this same question. Looking forward to this discussion and planning to buy the book.

  3. It is a frightening thought but boys (predominantly boys but with an increase in girls) are viewing porn through access to the internet at earlier and earlier ages. Our society is sexualising our children at an increasingly young age (take for instance the recent public argument over primark selling padded bra’s to nine year old girls, or worse to their parents). I am also the father of girls, as is Tim, but I do consider their vulnerability in a society that considers sex a commodity and sexual intercourse a leisure pursuit. I do believe that girls need to be given the confidence and self-respect not to feel that the pressures on them to become sex objects is desirable. That they can be confident and valuable members of society without needing to be sexualized at a young age. I also think that boys need to learn that to be a real man means respecting the virtue of the woman and not seeing sexual conquest as proof of their masculinity. A non-Christian friend who used to cut my hair when we lived in Manchester made a statment about respecting women that has stuck with me. He said, ‘My dad always told me to think of women as someone’s daughter!’ I see that as a word to the wise.

  4. Show grace. Let your sons know that if they are looking at porn/ masturbating etc they can come and tell you, and your response won’t shame them to the ends of the earth.

    And know that for teenagers (or anyone!) rules wont work – i remember! – i couldn’t stop my heart desires so all the rules did was make me feel guilty (which is i suppose the purpose of the law rom 3:20)

    It’s God who works through the gospel to change our desires.

    So an open environment and one where you stress with words and your whole life the massiveness of God’s grace to sinners as the motivation for change.

  5. I’ve got 2 boys and I do my best to speak to them early and often about all kinds of sin that will begin to come into their lives as they grow. I plainly tell them that sex is only for a man and woman who love each other and become husband and wife and anything less than that is a poor reflection of something better that God intends. Our children understand that if we were to introduce another woman into the marriage, that it would be wrong, and so modelling what is right and warning them about sin is vitally important. My advice is always: model purity & love in your marriage, build individual relationships with your children, and talk early and often about sin.

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